Fuck.

Today was a bad, horrible, terrible day. I wasn't looking forward to it in the first place and the one part of the day I thought would be fun wasn't. Today was downright painful. I even embarrassed myself today .. I just want to forget it. Forget today. Forget this pain. I wish there was a machine that could erase memories.I hate being myself sometimes. I hate being a fucking pisces. I hate feeling things so much. On days like today I feel like .. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Fuck the world. Fuck life. Life never needed me. What is my part in the world? How many people would care if I weren't here? I really wonder sometimes.Joey thinks I partly deserve the pain I'm feeling today. Well fuck Joey, I can't help it. I'm selfish. On the outside I may not be, but I'm one mean and nasty person on the inside. All these people think I'm such a nice and gentle person .. but I'm just not. I'm quiet because I know most of the things I want to say would just upset people. I want someone that can understand me. That's what I want more than anything in the world. I'd give up anything to have that person. Someone to lean on when I'm upset, like today. Have them hold me and just not say anything. Someone to love me in spite of my "dark side", and to partly love me because of it.I hate today.