As if things weren't bad enough...

Wow, who could have walked through the door but non other than my grandmother, who has caused me many a year of emotional grief.This is also the grandmother who told me over and over incessantly last spring that I was fat, and that she'd pay me to lose weight.If things don't turn for the better soon, I'm going to go insane or die, one.

Fuck.

Today was a bad, horrible, terrible day. I wasn't looking forward to it in the first place and the one part of the day I thought would be fun wasn't. Today was downright painful. I even embarrassed myself today .. I just want to forget it. Forget today. Forget this pain. I wish there was a machine that could erase memories.I hate being myself sometimes. I hate being a fucking pisces. I hate feeling things so much. On days like today I feel like .. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Fuck the world. Fuck life. Life never needed me. What is my part in the world? How many people would care if I weren't here? I really wonder sometimes.Joey thinks I partly deserve the pain I'm feeling today. Well fuck Joey, I can't help it. I'm selfish. On the outside I may not be, but I'm one mean and nasty person on the inside. All these people think I'm such a nice and gentle person .. but I'm just not. I'm quiet because I know most of the things I want to say would just upset people. I want someone that can understand me. That's what I want more than anything in the world. I'd give up anything to have that person. Someone to lean on when I'm upset, like today. Have them hold me and just not say anything. Someone to love me in spite of my "dark side", and to partly love me because of it.I hate today.

"Artist Unknown"

Yeah, so.. I was doing some editing on my Artist's Statement today and thought I'd post it for all to see. Feel free to comment.Artist's StatementSmiling and painted faces which never weep. Furry teddy bears that tickle your skin. In my artwork, I explore the world of the child - innocent, happy, and warm. I strain to capture the feeling and emotions that are treasured most by a typical little girl by painting dolls, stuffed toys, flowers, and other knick-knacks. I paint my images as realistically as I am able, using soft and light colors. I wish the viewer of my pieces to feel the cloth of a doll's dress, or the colorful, smooth glass beads of a bracelet. I want the viewer to feel as though they want to pick these objects in my paintings out of the canvas and play with them. When I paint, I try to capture a bit of the feelings I should have had, but lost, as a child. Unusual family circumstances and obstacles in my young life kept me from experiencing a full childhood. Now that I am older, and my life has taken a more smooth and steady path, I find myself more interested in things that I would have been interested in ten years ago, such as dolls and toys, rather than the average 16-year-old's interests - boys, make-up, and clothes. Dolls hold a special place in my heart and are the most significant objects in my paintings. They are a symbol of purity. Dolls are the perfect little girls - dressed beautifully, never hurt or sad. Dolls always have "Good hair Days", and can never do anything wrong. They don't have to worry about the problems that average humans face every day. Dolls are never scared or anxious. No one is ever angry with a doll. When I was young, I so much wanted to be a beautiful doll, so that no one would ever be angry with me. Since humans cannot push a "Rewind" button on life's VCR, I will continue to paint these images, in hope of rediscovering feelings lost in a broken home. I will continue my quest to take back what is mine, and hold what I discover close to my heart. Even if my home will never be fixed, with every new painting I create, one rip is mended in my soul.

Chouette! -- Franco-Journal :)

Finally, it seems they've switched my journal to French (I put it into customization a while ago). And, If you can't understand the stuff.. too bad. Hehe, well, no - Here's a little help just in case you need it. o_0> Entrées récentes = Recent Entries> Archives = Archives> Amis = Friends> Profil = ProfileNow that wasn't that hard was it?I had a rather boring day. Nothing eventful occured except for maybe scheduling, and even then I didn't like it much because I'm not going to have as many free classes as I thought (So far it's looking like I'm going to have like, none.) It's at this time I don't like HSU people. So many Electives. Grr.I don't know if I need to make up this one VA class I failed sophomore year. Uh.. I guess it's a trip to the Counselor's office tomorrow for me. I want to aid for Francoise but I don't know if I'm going to be able to if I have to make that up. That's going to be 4 art classes. I'll go insane if that happens, I fucking know it.During first period I had one of those energy drinks that comes in the funny little cans, only being on Atkins mine was sugar free. It still had the caffiene of a cup of coffee. During 2nd period (Studyskills) I sat there with my eyes all big clicking my pen over and over and over... I've never had coffee. The smell makes me sick (At least my dad's Starbucks House blend does).Stayed after school to make up a French quiz.4th Period was awesome since I got to sit with Michael and talk to him for a bit (Sowers gave us a bit of free time - Shocking!). He asked me if I wanted to do something this weekend so, it sounds like we're gonna go see Big Fish and then go back to my house and DDR or something.Gave everyone their calendars. Sarah acted a little obsessed with hers, it was a cute obsessed, though. Probably going to see a lot of those pictures in her sketchbook. I just got a hug from Michael. It was a nice hug though. ;) I don't know if the hug was for the calendar or not actually, I'm just guessing.French Club is on Wednesday with Mardi Gras festivites. Unfortunately I haven't decided whether or not I'll be partaking of the crepes or not since I'm still on a diet. Everyone needs to come.. (*Presidential Pressure Power!*)The caffiene's worn off. I'm exhausted now. Probably will go swimming later.

Eeh... zZz

I can't sleep.No particular reason, I just think my body's decided to wake up for the day. I got up about half an hour ago to check on an auction that was going off and it went too high for me, so I went back to sleep.Then my cat decided it was time to annoy Eden so she decided it was fun to knock over everything on my night stand.Great. Now both cats are teaming up to knock over the stuff on my night stand.Not particularly looking forward to anything today. Except maybe the morning. I bought some calendars that were on clearance at JMall over the weekend, and got one for Sarah and Michael too just because I knew they'd like them if they didn't already have them. But $3 a piece is worth a try.I like making people happy and making or buying little things for them. I'm definately going to make some sweet things around valentine's day, since I know I'll actually have someone in my heart around that time.The other day I talked to Sarah, and she was like "You know what Eden, even though none of us really ever tell you, you're really a sweet person."Don't blame me. I'm the epitome of an emo Pisces.

The Quiz Blog - Encore!

Hee.I took some more. Have fun.From Sexual Appeal to Finding Nemo.. L o L.You, my friend are a true individual. You mostlikely hate trends and are creative. By seeingthings differently, people either admire you orthink you are a bit strange. A Deeper Look Inside Yourself brought to you by Quizilla What's your sexual appeal?brought to you by QuizillaWhat Finding Nemo Character are You?brought to you by QuizillaMy inner child is six years old!Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I canread! I like to do stuff, and there's a wholebig world out there to do it in. Just so longas I can take my blankie and my Mommy and mythree best friends with me, of course. How Old is Your Inner Child? brought to you by QuizillaLord of the Rings! What movie Do you Belong in? brought to you by QuizillaIt's interesting that I would get LoTR, considering I haven't seen it.

A Little Cuteness with Your Breakfast?

I downloaded a new Anime yesterday that I've never heard of before, called Bottle Fairy. Of course, any anime with "fairy" in it I have to download to see how cute it is. I'm a cutesy-bishoujo-girly anime freak (e.g. favorites - Card Captor Sakura, Di Gi Charat, Chobits, Ah! Megami-sama! .. ), so...I watched it last night and this morning, downloaded the first half of the series. The episodes are only about 13 minutes long, and there are only 13 in the series, so I watched 1-6. It was almost too cute, I couldn't take it. I think I sat on the edge of my seat the whole time with big blue sparkly eyes, thinking "kawaiiiii~!". The series is about these 4 little teeny fairies that are studying the human world (I don't know why, but who cares?). So it's the classic storyline. Pictures of all the fairies and their names (I can't remember them all) can be found here. My favorite little kawaii fairy was Chiriri - Does anyone else think she looks like Chii? Plus, in the series some of the other fairies sometimes refer to her as Chi-chan.. Plus the art of the show really looks like Chobits too.. coinkydink? My LJ layout is now Chiriri centered. Isn't she so kyoot? :D This anime just came out recently, I hope I see some plushies of these fairies soon, or I think I'll die.I've been watching the new Live Action "Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon" lately also, a new ep came out yesterday I have yet to download from TV Nihon. At first I wasn't so sure I'd like it but it's actually quite good. See it, people.Wow, that's a lot of talking about anime. I haven't done that for a long time. I don't really talk to anyone about it anymore, it's not a really important subject anymore in High School, maybe.I thought I'd take this too, just because I saw it on LeAnn's LJ, and thought it was kinda interesting.DisorderRatingParanoid:LowSchizoid:LowSchizotypal:ModerateAntisocial:LowBorderline:LowHistrionic:ModerateNarcissistic:ModerateAvoidant:LowDependent:ModerateObsessive-Compulsive:Low-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --</small>I'm Histrionic and Narcissistic in my mind .. don't hate me.

Yay!

I got Michael on the coolest Quiz on Quizilla.com ;)You are Mike, one of the 'good' juniors. You wantto learn and do what you're told. You are alsovery very tall and make the short staffers feelinferior. Which Manual Yearbook staffer are YOU? brought to you by Quizilla